Celebrating Failure

      While I do find it hard to think of a time I failed, it is not because I lack any aptitude for failure nor any experience of such, it is simply due to the fact that thinking on failure is a laborious task for the strong-willed and non-contemplative. Being that I am a possessor of both of these qualities, this task is no more easy for me than apologizing for my own error and thinking back on my past in general. However, I can think of one instance out of the innumerable in which I failed someone. I was supposed to be volunteering at a clinic not far from town. It being the month of December, and I being an overeager lass decided I would sign up for three weeks in a row. My ignorance outdid me. With classes wrapping up, exams, and overall bodily exhaustion, I never made it to the clinic. 

      I regret those three days the most. Out of all the moments in the past year, this was the pinnacle, or rather the trough, of my own stupidity. I let down a large number of people because I was not even selfish, but overly ambitious, which is far worse in my opinion. To be selfish is excusable as not all acts of selfishness are really all that selfish. Say that perhaps, you have had a long day, and an old friend calls to ask for some help with this or advice on that. Stating that you cannot deal with this right now, although a blatantly selfish act, is understandable given the circumstances and an apt apology. However, ambition is a quality generally attributed to those who put their goals before the feelings and needs of others in their life. It is a quality admired in those who succeed, despite the people hurt in the process, but rather despised in those who fail and still hurt others.

     The above taught me that it is better to value the other person in an interaction than yourself. It is far more noble and right to choose the other person's needs as something that may outvalue your wants. I suppose that if I were to sum up this sentiment in a concise little phrase it would be that I want to treat others how I would want to be treated.

     Although I wish I could attribute the realization that others have value and are important to a class or some program, it simply arose from three things. First, an understanding that being both strong-willed and non-contemplative is a terrible combination of character traits, and one must go. Second, that thinking is not the worst thing in the world to waste time doing; it develops you into more of a person instead of a spitfire. Finally, a desire to love others as others have loved them. When you fail and you have these three things in mind, you find yourself truly seeing the people you hurt as people and seeing yourself fail less and less.